he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
zippers are such a cool invention
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
