I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
