There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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