Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
