I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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