It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
