I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
