Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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