Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
