My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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