Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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