woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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