erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
