I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
