Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
