I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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