i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
