It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Boobs are out for the taking
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
