Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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