Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
