My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
