it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
