i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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