Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
