do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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