I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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