We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
