Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize