Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
