I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
