New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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