I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
