I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
