How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
