So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
