She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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