I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
