We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
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I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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