and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
