i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
