U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
