i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize