Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A+ Viking dick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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