we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
