I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
