Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We talked him into tasing himself.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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