I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
