i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
