I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
