is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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