There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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