My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
