I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
