he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
