Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
