I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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