i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
