I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
