It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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