he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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