My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
