Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want to make out with him forever
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
