i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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