My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
