So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
