how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
