i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
