Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
