someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
