you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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