Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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