From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
