my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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