I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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