This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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