I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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