Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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