I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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