my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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