I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
