remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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