dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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